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Tabloid relationships are intriguing studies of how people who have absolutely every material possession they could want…are no happier than the rest of the population. And when they break up, because their actions and lives are so public, we have a chance to watch and surmise what went wrong. Recently, I received this note from a reader:
“What would make Jesse James leave a class act like Sandra Bullock for Kat Von D, or Prince Charles leave Diana for Camilla? I see this all the time. What’s going on here? I’m writing to you because some of us with inquiring minds really want to know. I purposefully left out Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. I can’t put my finger on it but I think she has some issues. I’m also on the fence about Halle. But you get the idea. I would think that if a woman was loving, loyal, supportive, honest, intelligent, and sexy, then the man would be ecstatic. Is this not the case?”
Obviously, we don’t know any of these people personally, so I can only offer conjecture. We also don’t know that the women mentioned above had the positive qualities referred to in the note. With that said…there are times when I’m just as curious about some of these celebrity relationships as anyone else.
Starting with: I always wondered what Sandra saw in Jesse. His current choice in Kat von D seems much more fitting to the image he presents. The larger question for me is…how did Sandra miss all the signs that Jesse was not the person he pretended to be? Was she blinded by her need for a family and fell in love with the “father figure” he projected? Did she want someone who wasn’t an actor/Hollywood type who went to work every day and seemed more like a regular guy? Why she was attracted to him was mysterious to me. And the fact that she never picked up on his decadent, deceptive behavior
until her agent notified her was an even bigger mystery. She seems so present and aware and wise in her interviews…how did she miss seeing the misalignment in her partner?
As to all the other celebrity relationships, we might stop here and ask: why ARE we so interested in what they say and do? Is it because they seem to live a life we can’t imagine? Do we like to see the “beautiful” people have problems too? Do we think because we share such intimate moments with them on the screen or in print, we feel we know them personally? Or is it simply a great diversion from what we need to be doing for our own lives?
Well…even if that’s so: Here’s what I’m taking away from my recent high profile media watch:
* In spite of all the evidence to the contrary— most people still think that if they had all the money, fame, and beauty they seek and long for, they would have love.
* Even the bold and beautiful can be deceived. Having “things” is no insurance policy that you will find love and keep it. Success and good looks can be an aphrodisiac, but something deeper has to anchor the relationship.
* Fame and money don’t insulate you from bad choices. Being ungrounded in your values, your purpose, and knowing who you are, sets you up for bad decisions.
* A celebrity lifestyle can be a magnet for unbalanced people …and when you are in the middle of them, it can cause you to lose your “True North”. When you don’t have the inner compass to find your way home (to yourself), you can’t make wise choices.
Having grown up in California, and often in the company of Hollywood figures, I have witnessed some parts of what causes relationships—and people—to go haywire. It starts with this: One of the basic requirements we have in life… in order to stay centered and sane… is to have MIRROR images. We need people near us who will reflect back to us who we are, what we are, and how we are.
Fame alters people’s vision and ability to see you as real. If you are rich, talented, and glamorous, people can slip into projecting their desires and wishes upon you; have expectations of what and who you should be to them; or be so blinded and enamored with your celebrity
, they can’t really see you at all. Fame causes all the faces you look into …to give you a distorted picture of yourself.
Why would Jesse cheat on Sandra? Why would Sandra marry a guy like Jesse? No one knows. What I do know is that I need to spend as little time as possible thinking about this…and go take good care of my own mirrors.